I was at the Broadway Deli, eating. I saw this little kid turn
to his mom and go, 'No, I don't want milk with the cookie. I'd rather f**king choke...
Posted: 08/14/2003
Shelia is an actress. She spends $40 three times a week for
jazz classes at Alvin Ailey, $20 four times a week for technique classes at Sanford...
Posted: 08/14/2003
At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit
what they call 'the wall,' is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx. So here,...
Posted: 08/14/2003
I went to the doctor last week and found out I have athlete's
foot. No -- great news for me because in high school I was cut from the JV basketball...
Posted: 08/14/2003
If a girl lets me touch her, then I've won the pennant. And
then, if I go all the way, that, of course, would be the World Series, and as you know,...
Posted: 08/14/2003
The carpool lane discriminates against the lonely. These
peoples -- through no fault of their own -- don't have the social skills to make friends....
Posted: 08/14/2003
Everything you have on your car has a very specific function
with the exception of one thing: the instrument panel dimmer switch. Why was this...
Posted: 08/14/2003
As the concert unfolds, I realize this isn't really a concert,
this is more of a magic show; that everything they do -- the pyrotechnics, the...
Posted: 08/14/2003
So, I get 'The Book of Questions,' and I think it's a trivia
book... I open it up: 'Would you give up the use of your limbs and the ability to...
Posted: 08/14/2003
Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that
was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.
Posted: 08/14/2003