I'm a single guy myself. I was reading the personal ads. I saw
one that said, 'Single white female, 27, herpes: mild.' I don't know if we use the...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I made myself a good dinner tonight. I used a wok. That is a
great thing to have. With a wok, in the privacy of your own home, you can create your...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I never understood the concept of summer school. The teacher's
going to go up there and go, 'OK, class, you know that subject you couldn't grasp in...
Posted: 05/26/1993
These kids used to make unreasonable demands of me all the
time. They'd want to use the restroom. Seriously -- straight-faced, they'd ask me, 'Mr....
Posted: 05/26/1993
I used to be a substitute teacher. That's a crazy job. They
call you up at six o'clock in the morning. They wake you up. Then, they ask you if...
Posted: 05/26/1993
What is the deal with the reservoir tip? Reservoir? Isn't that
a little grandiose term for a quarter-inch plastic bubble? It's like, 'Oh honey, I...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I had sex with a woman. I took out the box of condoms. She
takes the box from my hand, looks at it, and goes, 'Hey Todd, good choice.' Now, I...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I ran into a friend of mine in the street I hadn't seen in a
while. He's a pastry chef. I said, 'Hey, what's going on?' He was like, 'Ugh, I gotta...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I saw a woman on the street wearing a t-shirt that said,
'Nurses Kick Butt.' I don't want a nurse who kicks butt. I'm uncomfortable with the idea...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I can understand no wallets at Old Navy, but no ties? What am I
supposed to wear with my mock-ribbed turtleneck and purple camouflage cargo pants?...
Posted: 03/30/2006