I ran into a friend of mine in the street I hadn't seen in a
while. He's a pastry chef. I said, 'Hey, what's going on?' He was like, 'Ugh, I gotta...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I saw a woman on the street wearing a t-shirt that said,
'Nurses Kick Butt.' I don't want a nurse who kicks butt. I'm uncomfortable with the idea...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I can understand no wallets at Old Navy, but no ties? What am I
supposed to wear with my mock-ribbed turtleneck and purple camouflage cargo pants?...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I did a show in Pittsburgh. A woman runs up to me after the
show, all smiling, and she's like, 'Oh my God, you were so much funnier live than you...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I have a website. It's got my e-mail address on it. So now, I
get e-mails from all over the country, and people have unbelievable questions....
Posted: 03/30/2006
I am weird about words, though, man. Some words freak me out
for no reason. When people say 'fridge' instead of 'refrigerator,' I want to climb up...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I just got a new apartment, people. You guys can all come stay.
Twenty-three bedroom apartment, seriously. Every bedroom has a baby grand piano in...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I've been hanging out with too many couples, hanging out with
the 'We agree on everything' couple. They pretend to share the most obscure opinions...
Posted: 03/30/2006
I was dating a woman. Before we had our first little sex talk,
she actually said this to me -- she goes, 'Todd, I've had anal sex before, but, uh,...
Posted: 03/30/2006
You ever have sex with someone you don't know that well?
They're gonna spend the night; they ask if you'll set an alarm: 'Hey can you set an alarm?...
Posted: 03/30/2006