I'm a single guy myself. I was reading the personal ads. I saw
one that said, 'Single white female, 27, herpes: mild.' I don't know if we use the...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I made myself a good dinner tonight. I used a wok. That is a
great thing to have. With a wok, in the privacy of your own home, you can create your...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I never understood the concept of summer school. The teacher's
going to go up there and go, 'OK, class, you know that subject you couldn't grasp in...
Posted: 05/26/1993
These kids used to make unreasonable demands of me all the
time. They'd want to use the restroom. Seriously -- straight-faced, they'd ask me, 'Mr....
Posted: 05/26/1993
I used to be a substitute teacher. That's a crazy job. They
call you up at six o'clock in the morning. They wake you up. Then, they ask you if...
Posted: 05/26/1993
What is the deal with the reservoir tip? Reservoir? Isn't that
a little grandiose term for a quarter-inch plastic bubble? It's like, 'Oh honey, I...
Posted: 05/26/1993
I had sex with a woman. I took out the box of condoms. She
takes the box from my hand, looks at it, and goes, 'Hey Todd, good choice.' Now, I...
Posted: 05/26/1993
This guy's like, 'We've got to have the death penalty because
prisons are like hotels.' 'How are they like hotels?' 'They're like hotels because...
Posted: 06/01/2004
Some New Yorkers were pissed off when Kmart came to town. They
were outside the store protesting. They didn't even know what to say. They were...
Posted: 07/23/1999
They sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to
your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I...
Posted: 07/23/1999