Here's a tip for you when you find out they're a prostitute.
Here's what I do -- I go, 'Oh my God, you're a prostitute? What a coincidence. I am...
Posted: 12/08/2004
Who cares about Russia? What did they ever give us, really?
That stinkin' dressing? We had ketchup and mayonnaise the whole time, people.
Posted: 11/03/2004
You see those cell phones that have the little earpiece, so you
don't have to hold the phone? You can't tell who's insane anymore, am I right? I'm...
Posted: 01/11/2001
I broke up with this girl by e-mail. Is that a bad way to do
it? I don't know what made her more mad -- that I did it by e-mail, or the fact that I...
Posted: 04/07/2005
All I could think was 'Oh, that pizza's getting cold. At least
put it in the oven. He's bending you over the stove anyway.'
Posted: 04/07/2005
I had to fight this guy because he was calling me names from
across the street, right? Then he calls me 'chicken' -- screw that, right? Instead of...
Posted: 04/07/2005
You ever see a shooting range in a cop movie? What color is the
guy on that sheet of paper that they're shooting at? Why don't you just paint a...
Posted: 04/07/2005
Have you seen the baby knapsack with the kid hanging in the
front? Could that possibly be safe? Yeah, that's good because when you trip, you want a...
Posted: 04/07/2005
The homeless guy gives you the speech, and he walks past you
with the cup, and you're coincidentally going into your pocket, but not to give him...
Posted: 04/07/2005
I took some drugs a couple days ago. My buddies wanted to play
football, and I knew my throwing arm was going to be way off, so I took that Levitra...
Posted: 04/07/2005