Retta has appeared on the following Comedy Central shows: | Retta Videos | Retta Jokes |
White boys, stop raising the roof.
Don't judge music by who's listening to it.
Retta can't have kids because she'd kill them.
Lionesses aren't satisfied by a lion who can only do it 215 times in three days.
Fast and friendly service at participating McDonald's only.
There are several places a hotel's tiny bar of soap can get lost.
There's nothing worse than losing the battle for the check and then getting your credit card denied.
Retta and her boyfriend can't play chicken at a pool party.
Retta's annoying friend calls her at nine a.m. to stress about white out and toner.
Maybe some girls would go to this club to get their itch on?
So I'm like, 'Hold up, slick. I thought McDonald's was supposed
to have fast and friendly service.' She's like, 'That's at participating...
Ladies, have you ever been in the bathroom in a public place or
at a party, and there is someone else who wishes to come in next, but instead of...
Two hundred sixteen times in three days -- yet some of you
self-proclaimed 'macs' like to brag about doing it twice in an hour before slipping into...
She's like, 'I'm the only one who does work around here. If it
weren't for me, nothing would get done.' And I'm thinking to myself, 'Yeah, I'm so...
So, fellas, please if you're not gonna shave it, aerosol spray
it because we don't want to see all that feta cheese.
I love classical music. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still black
-- I still kick up the bass and pump up the volume.
Think about it: nondairy creamer, two words that should not be
used to describe the same product. Kind of like turkey bacon -- what the hell is...
My mother would always get powdered milk. I hated it, but when
we ran out, my brother and I would substitute nondairy creamer. What the hell is...
My father refused to turn up the heat because the body had its
own heating mechanism: shivering. He'd say, 'I see your teeth are chattering. You...
You know what gives me a rush? Methamphetamines.