Paul Provenza: Videos, Jokes, Tour Dates, Biography and more | Jokes.com

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Paul Provenza

comedian Paul Provenza has appeared on the following Comedy Central shows:

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Paul Provenza Videos Paul Provenza Jokes
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Paul Provenza - Teach Masturbation

America wants to find a way to keep kids in school, right?

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), sex (1283), health (976)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 801

Paul Provenza - Funny Ways to Die

People shouldn't get so offended at jokes about death.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), TV (543), death (318)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 699

Paul Provenza - Modern Love Making

These days, you have no idea who has what disease.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), sex (1283), health (976)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 484

Paul Provenza - Vegas Is a Family Town

Poker chips, pogs -- what's the difference, really?

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), sex (1283), pop culture (293)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 453

Paul Provenza - Stupid People

Everything in our society goes to the lowest common denominator.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), books (748), The A-List (491)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 394

Paul Provenza - Windex

We pay the price for other people's stupidity all the time.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), health (976), money (865)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 299

Paul Provenza - In Case of an Emergency

Dead passengers may also be used as flotation devices.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), flying (181), dark (83)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 297

Paul Provenza - Holy Loophole

All Jesus does is bitch, moan and whine.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), sex (1283), religion (776)

Posted: 10/08/96
Views: 293

Paul Provenza - Psychokinetic Powers

Stopping a clock isn't the same as stopping a train.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), death (318), physical humor (203)

Posted: 03/03/96
Views: 258

Paul Provenza - Safe Sex

They should give condoms away in cereal boxes.

Tags: Paul Provenza (15), sex (1283), health (976)

Posted: 10/08/96
Views: 254

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Paul Provenza: Anybody Could Have a Disease

You can't tell who has anything. Anybody in this room could have some disease from another planet, you'd never know. I don't even masturbate...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Safe Old Days of Sex

Making love used to be spontaneous, intimate, sensual, passionate. Now, it's like working with plutonium.

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Masturbation Class

If they taught masturbation when I was in school, I could have been the valedictorian.

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Tricked-Out Condoms

The condoms, they got ribs and spikes and studs. Sometimes, they get a little carried away. You look at it and go, 'Are we having sex or driving...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Inner Child

I don't think I'm cynical. I guess I am -- that whole new age thing -- I can't. It's not for me. I found my inner child and sexually abused it.

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Look at the Glass Realistically

I look at the world in a realistic way. Some people say the glass is half full; other people say the glass is half empty. I look at the glass and...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Airline Peanuts

I get peanuts on every flight. I'm on a plane -- all of a sudden, I gotta have peanuts? I go for months at a time without eating a peanut. What...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Stewardess

I had a little row with the stewardess on the plane, flying in here. I made the mistake of calling her, 'the stewardess.' 'No, sir, I'm a flight...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Funny Ways to Die

There are very funny ways to die. You need a paradigm shift. You need to be creative, use your imagination. Did you ever see a photograph of a...

Posted: 03/03/1996

Paul Provenza: Cryonics

We're in denial about death. It's unbelievable. Did you ever see these people? It's called cryonics. They have themselves frozen so they can be...

Posted: 03/03/1996

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