How busy could the Cool Whip hotline get?
Prank phone calls can keep you young.
A man's goal on a date: don't make the woman mad.
In "Titanic," Leo looked way too young for Kate Winslet.
If bands can do their greatest hits, so can comedians.
I was watching a Sean Penn movie the other day. Doesn't Sean Penn have that face like he's looking at a menu and hates the food?
The most unusual person I ever dated was a cop. She was a police woman. First night in bed she goes, 'Do you have any protection?' I said, 'You.'
I'm in a relationship right now, you know, crossing my fingers. The relationship is great; the sex is great. My friends said, 'Whoa, you've had sex...
Every party I go to, it's like, 'Hey man, I got some coke. Let's go in the back.' Just once, I want to go to a party and have some guy say, 'Hey...
No matter who's president, it costs us money whatever they like. [Reagan] likes jelly beans. Carter liked peanuts; the price of peanuts went up....
I thought he was too young for Kate Winslet. He's supposed to be this worldly traveler. You give him a guitar -- he's in Hanson.