Margaret Smith: Videos, Jokes, Tour Dates, Biography and more | Jokes.com

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Margaret Smith

Margaret Smith is a puzzle. Her dry, deadpan delivery belies the bitingly funny but dark comic within, and her unassuming onstage presence makes it hard to believe that she is one of America's top comics. But she is, and deservedly so.

Margaret Smith won the American Comedy Awards' title of "Funniest Female Stand-up Comic" and has appeared twice at Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival. She is a regular on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and has appeared on the David Letterman Show more than seven times.

Her other television credits include: CNN, PBS, HBO, Fox Network, Showtime, E! Network, VH-1 and Comedy Central.

Live performances include: Montreal, Queen's Theater London, Amsterdam, Australia and every major city in the United States.

She has a cool delivery (similar to Steven Wright) and hot candor and usually has something funny and negative to say about every topic.
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Margaret Smith - Labia Piercing

What's the thought process behind deciding to get your labia pierced?

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), men/women (1003), travel (310)

Posted: 10/27/04
Views: 2,859

Margaret Smith - Shopping

Margaret went shopping twice: once to get the blouse, once to take it back.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), fashion (230)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 1,416

Margaret Smith - Neck Brace

Margaret got tired of holding her head up.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), health (976), ethnic (814)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 1,183

Margaret Smith - Expensive Sperm

Trying to conceive was much cheaper in college.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 997

Margaret Smith - Dozen Eggs

Margaret is dating a bowler.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), kids (841), dating (656)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 908

Margaret Smith - Jockey Underwear

Margaret wears 100% cotton underwear so she can breathe.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), money (865)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 795

Margaret Smith - Little Guys

Margaret dates guys she thinks she can take in a fight.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), dating (656)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 733

Margaret Smith - Piercings

Women are piercing everything now.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 673

Margaret Smith - Working Out

Some guys work out too much.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003)

Posted: 06/04/99
Views: 664

Margaret Smith - Ma'amogram

Mammograms are great if you're looking for dorsal fins.

Tags: Margaret Smith (20), men/women (1003), health (976)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 607

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Margaret Smith: Adoption

I became a mom myself for the first time. I actually adopted a baby. I wanted a highway, but it was a lot of red tape.

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Never Home for the Holidays

My mom wanted to know why I never get home for the holidays. I said, 'Well, I can't get Delta to wait in the yard while I run in.'

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Seatbelts

Safety was not a big thing when I was growing up. A seatbelt was something that got in the way. I'd be like, 'Ma, this seatbelt's digging into my...

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: You Don't Know What Love Is

You don't know what love is 'til you become a parent. You don't know what love is 'til you fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to...

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Hairy Guys

I don't like hairy guys, though. I tried it. I dated a little, hairy guy once. He'd take a bath at my house -- it looked like the sewer backed up.

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Crime-Stopping Altoid

I was almost robbed the other night going home late. Thank God I had just popped an Altoid. Did you know if you have an Altoid in your mouth and...

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Overly Attentive Salesperson

I get in the dressing room. I'm in there like five, 10 minutes. She comes knocking at the door. I go, 'What?' 'You've been in there a while. Are...

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Debt Calls

Do you ever get in debt? Do you know they call you? One guy called me every day last week. Finally I said, 'Look, every month I put everyone I owe...

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: Driver Has No Cash

I saw a truck out here today. On the side of the door, it said, 'Driver has no cash.' I'm broke too. I don't plaster it all over the side of my car.

Posted: 06/04/1999

Margaret Smith: New Underwear

I put a new pair of underwear on, I feel like a million bucks. I buy the Jockey ones because they're 100% cotton. You can breathe. You don't buy...

Posted: 06/04/1999

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