Margaret Smith is a puzzle. Her dry, deadpan delivery belies the bitingly funny but dark comic within, and her unassuming onstage presence makes it hard to believe that she is one of America's top comics. But she is, and deservedly so.
| Margaret Smith Videos | Margaret Smith Jokes |
What's the thought process behind deciding to get your labia pierced?
Margaret went shopping twice: once to get the blouse, once to take it back.
Margaret got tired of holding her head up.
Trying to conceive was much cheaper in college.
Margaret is dating a bowler.
Margaret wears 100% cotton underwear so she can breathe.
Margaret dates guys she thinks she can take in a fight.
Women are piercing everything now.
Some guys work out too much.
Mammograms are great if you're looking for dorsal fins.
I actually just brought them back to the airport today. They
leave tomorrow.
I'm actually dating a professional athlete now. He's a bowler.
They shake it at the end, did you know that? If women had
penises, we would not shake them -- we would dab.
I hate this occasion because I can never find the right card
because they're all too nice. So, I usually end up getting the blank card with the...
My father was a gambler and an alcoholic, but he was also very
vain. So one day, he gave up his vices to save up enough money for a hair...
You shouldn't be called ma'am until you've had your first
mammogram.
I actually come from a mixed marriage. My mom's Jewish and my
dad's Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.
I love fights. Well, I don't like the actual fight; I like the
loose change on the floor afterward.
I was almost robbed the other night going home late. Thank God
I had just popped an Altoid. Did you know if you have an Altoid in your mouth and...
I get in the dressing room. I'm in there like five, 10 minutes.
She comes knocking at the door. I go, 'What?' 'You've been in there a while. Are...