I've been really cranky 'cause I'm on a diet. Here's the thing:
I'm OK with my weight like this, but I want to do television, which means I need to...
Posted: 04/28/2005
She actually asked me for four grapes once. She counted grapes.
What kind of mental patient counts grapes? Do you know anyone who does that? That's...
Posted: 04/28/2005
Homeless guy asks for a dollar, and I said no because I was in
a hurry or something, and as I was walking away, he was like, 'You've got a fat ass,...
Posted: 04/28/2005
They expect you to be knowledgeable, don't they, in the
bedroom? I dated a guy -- I'm not making this up -- he literally said to me once, 'Teach me...
Posted: 04/28/2005
You know what I like about dating younger guys? They follow
rules really well. Like you can tell a younger guy, 'Look, sex with me is like taking...
Posted: 04/28/2005
Manhattan children are like weird, uppity little pod children.
Did you ever notice that? They're like a little too sophisticated, a little snotty....
Posted: 04/28/2005
My sister actually told me that it was my responsibility as a
well-adjusted member of society to have children. Is that crazy? I told her, 'I'm not...
Posted: 04/28/2005
Things change when you're in your 30s. First of all, we
hesitate when someone asks our age. 'How old are you?' You're like, 'How old am I? How's...
Posted: 04/28/2005
Sometimes, I'll do it doggy style because you can watch
television. It's a very underrated position because it frees you up to multitask. Let's...
Posted: 04/28/2005
You ever fall asleep performing oral sex? What's so funny? I've
done it. It's not that bad. Waking up is horrible.
Posted: 04/28/2005