Little things start to change in your life -- like your socks
start to get tight.
Posted: 05/19/2002
I went to a gym. They offered me free membership for life if I
posed for a 'don't let this happen to you' poster.
Posted: 05/19/2002
I was hoping I'd get really sick, you know? Catch maybe like a
cold, work it into a flu, get a double pneumonia, whopping cough -- lose all this...
Posted: 05/19/2002
I tried cocaine to lose weight. It just made me eat faster.
Posted: 05/19/2002
A Mexican won the Boston Marathon two years ago. He wasn't even
in the race; he was just running down the street.
Posted: 05/19/2002
I hate you when you drink.' I said, 'Good, 'cause I hate you
when I'm not drinking.'
Posted: 02/24/1992
I can't get divorced 'cause I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get
divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just...
Posted: 02/24/1992
Did I mention I married a woman? 'Cause I want to get that
straight right out front. I love women. Women are probably the number one reason why I'm...
Posted: 02/24/1992
I've always wanted to be rich and famous. The only thing
holding me back is the money.
Posted: 02/24/1992
I'm an honest guy. I was on the beach on the way up here, and I
saw these two ugly people. I went up to them and said, 'Hey, you're not gonna have...
Posted: 02/24/1992