Whenever I have food ordered in, I try to decide what is the
worst way to come to the door, and I've decided it's tied to a chair.
Posted: 11/03/2008
My boyfriend and I went to a movie, and we got there almost an
hour before the show started. And he said, 'You know, you're always early because...
Posted: 11/03/2008
I think that talk show themes have finally gone too far. I was
watching a show where three people came out and they started talking about their...
Posted: 11/03/2008
I'm tired of movies like 'Indecent Proposal' and 'Pretty Woman'
because that's just saying the most a woman can hope for in her career is to sleep...
Posted: 11/03/2008
Stand-up is such a selfless profession. You know, the only
difference between me and a surgeon or a pediatrician is that when I approach a couple...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I slept with my mother until I was nine years old. It was OK
for the first few years, and then I don't know what happened. I just couldn't do it...
Posted: 10/30/2008
When you see them interviewed, they say, 'It's a blessing. God
wanted us to have eight healthy two-pound babies.' Well, I say what about when they...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I don't understand why people procreate when there are kids
here already who need to be exploited, ignored and abused.
Posted: 10/30/2008
I give the guy the change, and he says, 'Oh, I thought you were
gonna give me a sandwich,' and I said, 'Oh, I thought you'd want the money for...
Posted: 10/30/2008
Electing W. proves that Americans are suckers for family
businesses, no matter how dysfunctional or incompetent. 'Bush and Son: Leading America to...
Posted: 10/30/2008