We used an anonymous sperm donor, which I know is very
fascinating to a lot of people. So people are always trying to get information out of me by...
Posted: 12/08/2002
I played clarinet in the marching band and I was fat, which was
horrible because we used to sell these candy bars for the band so we could go on...
Posted: 05/30/1994
Every item in women's clothing stores now has shoulder pads in
them, right? Because women are actually supposed to look more masculine, more broad,...
Posted: 05/30/1994
We got them an answering machine, which is like the stupidest
gift to give your parents because no one ever calls my parents except for their kids....
Posted: 05/30/1994
My therapist is so weird. I go in last week; she brings her
daughter in to listen to my session. I'm like, 'What's this with the kid?' 'It's career...
Posted: 05/30/1994
I performed at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Beach about two
and a half years ago, and I performed for Bill Clinton. I did stand-up comedy for...
Posted: 09/14/2000
I actually had anxiety for so long I went to a psychiatrist.
And I said to the guy, 'I'm constantly anxious. What do I do?' He told me I had...
Posted: 09/14/2000
My mother always sits in the front passenger seat because she
likes to have the legroom. You know, I could have a mute, paraplegic friend who...
Posted: 09/14/2000
They're actually doing a whole musical review of my mother's
life. It's going to be on Broadway. It's in previews; you should definitely go see it....
Posted: 09/14/2000
Jewish people can look at people's faces and tell if they're
Jewish. It's a phenomenon that we have that we can't explain. It's just like black...
Posted: 09/14/2000