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Nobody ever talks about the fact that forever is above you at all times.
It's 2006, where are our jetpacks?
Beached whales are some of the weirdest things you'll ever see.
Penguins are really dumb.
"Fear Factor" has run out of things to do to its contestants.
Fellas, stop checking out our butts.
They're about to fight and I'm like Jagger at Altamont!
I probably should have dropped out of comedy that night at Rascals.
Rich recounts a horrible tour to Miami.
You can't hi-five the death of a family member.
My girlfriend has breasts like, "Meh!"
I always give change to the homeless.