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This is a pain in the ass. Am I the butler?
Hot Pockets are for the drunk.
Hide eggs for Jesus!
Pie is like liquid cake.
Jim can't censor himself.
The fattest crackhead
Jim Gaffigan: Exclusive Interview
Would we know what a water chestnut is if it weren't for bacon?
Bologna is not just a meat, it's an insult.
Do you think Jesus was a good carpenter?
I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name.
How drunk do you have to be to not remember what a waffle looks like?
Hot Pockets! Hot Pockets! Hot Pockets!
Shorties: Jim Gaffigan - Bald at the Beach
Whenever people find out you don't drink, they always ask why.
This is good -- this is more watery than water.