There was a guy at my show the other night with his girlfriend,
on a Saturday night, wearing flip-flops. It's like saying, 'Hey, baby, anybody...
Posted: 10/30/2008
At this point we should just make it the 51st state. Welcome to
Iraqachusetts: live free and die.
Posted: 10/30/2008
You know you're getting fat when you go to unbutton the top of
your pants -- and you already did it.
Posted: 10/30/2008
I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car -- in
the lobby of Caesar's Palace.
Posted: 10/30/2008
Pamela Anderson from 'Baywatch' is on the cover of the new
Playboy. My buddy calls me up, 'Jeff, Jeff, did you read it?' I said, 'Read<\i> it? I...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I'm not like other comedians. I want you to know that right
now. I start out slow -- and then get fired.
Posted: 10/30/2008
Wouldn't it be great if our bodies were designed so that
instead of bad things, good things could be transmitted through sex? Like skills. 'Oh...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I'm not always politically correct, like I said. I don't even
know the language anymore. Like, tell me if I'm getting this right, OK? Indians are...
Posted: 10/30/2008
You think that circus freaks are politically correct with other
circus freaks? Think the strong man is in the back of the circus tent, 'Hey look,...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I'm hung like a hang nail. They call me the Cashew Jew.
Posted: 10/30/2008