Jack Coen has appeared on the following Comedy Central shows: | Jack Coen Videos | Jack Coen Jokes |
Jack doesn't hit his children.
Those breast implants are really lifelike.
Faith is a huge concept to grasp.
Jack feels sorry for Monica Lewinsky.
Jack thought he'd never grow up, but now he's in charge.
Jack Coen hopes that God grades on a curve.
Jack just turned 40 this past year.
Funeral directors will rip you off big time.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in God. I just don't trust
anybody who works for him.
It was traumatic for me -- not as traumatic as turning gay.
When I was 22, I'd be like, 'Shut up, man. I ain't gay. Shut
up. I'll kill you, man. I'll kill you.' Now I'm like, 'Oh, you think I'm 37? Fine, I'm...
Remember the old days? Grandma died -- you brought her in the
backyard, and you buried her. Tract housing ruined that.
At night, when I'm dreaming and a naked woman approaches me in
my dreams, I tell her I'm married. How sad is that? I can hear my subconscious...
If the truth be known, I don't hit my children because I really
don't think I could hit them a little.
I start shaving myself, and with every stroke, it's looking
more and more pathetic down there, you know? It's like, 'Oh my God, I look like a...
If I was in charge, I would not have the Olympics in our
country anymore. Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff. It just pisses...
When I was younger, if a girlfriend was bothering a president,
the CIA killed her.
When I was 23, if the president was hitting on me, I'd f**k
him, too.