To hell with Santa! If he's such a big shot, how come he has to
work at Macy's?
Posted: 05/17/1993
Did you ever say something and wish you could take it back?
Something like, 'Yeah, I'm a Jew. What are you skinheads going to do about it?'
Posted: 05/17/1993
I'm taking a course here in New York in Italian martial arts.
It's a lot like karate, lots of kicks and stuff, except there are two guys holding...
Posted: 01/03/2000
Sometimes I wear two wallets so it looks like I have an ass.
Posted: 01/03/2000
You know who's a good role model? John Glenn: 77 years old,
flew around in a space shuttle. That's impressive. He didn't actually fly the space...
Posted: 01/03/2000
George W. says he reads the Bible every day. He's 56 years old
-- finish the book.
Posted: 07/31/2003
You realize in this country it costs 70 cents a minute to
sponsor a starving person, and it costs $2.99 a minute to talk dirty to somebody? One...
Posted: 07/31/2003
They were interviewing some guy from North Dakota. He goes, 'It
can happen here.' No, it can't. You have to build a civilization first.
Posted: 07/31/2003
When I was a little kid, my parents told me straight out,
'There's no such thing as Santa Claus. You see a fat man in a red suit coming down that...
Posted: 07/31/2003
What does a Japanese tourist think when he sees a big Barney
floating down Sixth Avenue? It's gotta be unsettling for the poor guy.
Posted: 07/31/2003