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Greg Behrendt

Greg Paul Behrendt was made in a small textile factory north of San Francisco in the early sixties. He spent the lions share of his early youth as a sweat-jac (or sweater jacket) but as he got older, he realized his dream of going to college and becoming a pair of pants. After college, Greg became a person and started a wildly unsuccessful band all while holding down a job in an improv group. The days were long and the night's even longer, but success seemed to be almost right around the corner. Well, not success, but definetly a bar with lots of juicy liquor.
 
Watch Greg on Comedy Central Presents.
 
Watch Greg on Shorties Watchin' Shorties.
 
Watch Greg on Live at Gotham
 
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Greg Behrendt Videos Greg Behrendt Jokes

Greg Behrendt - Just Not That Into You

Greg Behrendt makes a mix tape for a girl to get her to love him back.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), men/women (839), dating (611)

Posted: 07/27/06
Views: 12,926

Greg Behrendt - Barely A Guy

Greg Behrendt is big and he likes women. After that, forget it.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), men/women (839)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 4,278

Greg Behrendt - Junk Food

Can you deep-fry the bacon?

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), health (518)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 1,923

Greg Behrendt - Staying in Relationships Too Long

You ever break up with someone and then realize you should've broken up with them way earlier?

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), dating (611)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 1,733

Greg Behrendt - Bad Boys in Boy Bands

Every boy band has a Designated Badass.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), men/women (839)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 1,571

Greg Behrendt - AppleCare

Greg Behrendt wishes the Apple phone representative's voice was in his head all the time.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), technology (163)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 1,158

Greg Behrendt - Candy Situation

Greg Behrendt has two rules when you come to his house on Halloween.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), kids (596), food (493)

Posted: 05/18/04
Views: 1,131

Greg Behrendt - Getting Ripped

All Greg Behrendt wants is to get ripped -- ripped like Jesus.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), health (518)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 855

Greg Behrendt - Telemarketers

Greg Behrendt's difficult last name has a plus -- he knows when a telemarketer is on the phone.

Tags: Greg Behrendt (17), Comedy Central Presents (1779), money (445)

Posted: 01/14/01
Views: 833

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Greg Behrendt: The Dream Went Awry

If you sell things over the phone, the dream went awry somewhere, and you're working in a sweat box trying to make quota so you can buy some speed.

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: At the Hardware Store

For as much as I know about being a guy, I ought to go to a hardware store wearing a tiara. 'Hi, do you have a bang-bang-bang to put the pointy...

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Car Mechanics

If you open up the hood and start talking about, 'That's got a dual-head-cammy,' you might as well say, 'Banana, banana, banana.' I don't know what...

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Not a Computer Person

At this point in time, that's like saying you're not 'into the phone.'

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Donnie Wahlberg of New Kids on the Block

He's the badass of the group -- like if they get into some kind of Scooby-Doo scrape, he's the one that's gonna get them out.

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Jesus Is Ripped

Why wouldn't he be, he's the son of God? He's not gonna be walking around going, 'Oh, I've got back fat today. I'm so puffy.'

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Sex Drive in Older Men

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: The Mix Tape

When you unleash the mix upon her, she will understand the beauty of who you are as a human being, and then she will melt and be in your bedroom...

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: How Guys Process a Break Up

You break up with us, we get drunk and then stand on your lawn, and then a cop comes. I'll be like, 'Oh, this is over! I get it. It's over. Gotcha.'

Posted: 10/30/2008

Greg Behrendt: Don't Call

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the...

Posted: 10/30/2008

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