Gary Lazer: Videos, Jokes, Tour Dates, Biography and more | Jokes.com

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Gary Lazer

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Gary Lazer - Smokers and Nonsmokers

There's going to be a civil war, and you know the nonsmokers are going to win.

Tags: Gary Lazer (4), The A-List (491), observational (334)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 680

Gary Lazer - Getting Sucked out of a Plane

It's scary to sit by those hatches that can pop open at any moment.

Tags: Gary Lazer (4), The A-List (491), flying (181)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 238

Gary Lazer - Missing New York

If you're going to live in New York, you may consider buying a guard dog or parrot.

Tags: Gary Lazer (4), animals (793), New York City (602)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 197

Gary Lazer - A Grim Future

People know they're destroying the Earth.

Tags: Gary Lazer (4), sex (1284), health (978)

Posted: 02/24/92
Views: 139

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Gary Lazer: Pet Parrot

I got a parrot; it turned on me. You don't realize how strong those birds are, but I was walking by its cage one day -- boom! -- the next thing you...

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: Missing New York's Subways

I miss New York. I miss the subways, believe it or not. So, what I do is I have a tape recording of just the sound of the subway, and every...

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: Giving Up

I try to recycle, I try to save water, but sometimes I go, 'The hell with it. We're losing. I'm giving up.' I want to have sex with a women without...

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: Finding Out About Fluoride

It's gonna get worse. We're gonna find out fluoride -- yeah, it gets your teeth white, but it seeps up through your gums into your brain, gives you...

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: The State of Things

I don't know what to eat. I don't know what to drink. You can't have sex. We're in a recession. I swear, in the future, we're just gonna be a bunch...

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: Smokers vs. Non-Smokers

That's gonna be the next civil war in this country: smokers or non. The non-smokers are gonna win. What are the smokers gonna do -- run?

Posted: 02/24/1992

Gary Lazer: Quit Smoking

I tried hypnotism, went to the guy, guaranteed. Snaps his fingers -- 'You'll never smoke again.' Got home, doorbell rings -- started acting like a...

Posted: 02/24/1992

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