Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so
you could care less that they're ugly.
Posted: 09/04/1998
If you ever find the perfect person, run so fast that they see
flames shoot out of your ass 'cause all the perfect person does is amplify your...
Posted: 09/04/1998
That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS
there yet.
Posted: 09/23/2001
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have
something to look forward to at this point.
Posted: 09/23/2001
Oh look, she smiled at me!' It's because you sh*t your pants.
Posted: 09/23/2001
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and
parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
Posted: 09/23/2001
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but
to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.
Posted: 09/23/2001
If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one.
Not even a baby -- go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made...
Posted: 09/23/2001
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week
of Lilith Fair.
Posted: 09/23/2001
A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin
the party.
Posted: 09/23/2001