I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want
to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, 'Red wine, in...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I want to be a bloated alcoholic. That's my goal -- it is, I'm
serious, because there is no other disease that is more fun than alcoholism. I know...
Posted: 10/30/2008
You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical
advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor -- like you didn't know it?
Posted: 10/30/2008
You kids today with your water. When we were kids we didn't
have water. We used to suck the fluid out of mud, and we were grateful for that fluid.'
Posted: 10/30/2008
We lost my grandmother recently. No, she didn't die -- we lost
her. She actually shrunk to the point we can't find her anymore. It's so sad 'cause...
Posted: 10/30/2008
My whole family, all they talk about is food and disease. And
they're competitive with illness: 'I have a cold.' 'I wish I had a cold! I don't even...
Posted: 10/30/2008
Nobody needs a cookie. You will never get your lab results
back, 'Well, apparently, Miss Bexim what you need -- and I am a doctor, I've never seen...
Posted: 10/30/2008
You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. 'Mr. and
Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I...
Posted: 10/30/2008
My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, 'Dom, I think
that waitress knows me.' 'What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your...
Posted: 10/30/2008