I was just on MTV. That was exciting, being on Music
Television, the politically correct network: 'Don't smoke, don't drink and drive, don't do...
Posted: 05/23/1993
I am adamantly opposed to capital punishment. Yes, many of
these guys on death row have done heinous things, but when we as a people sink to their...
Posted: 05/23/1993
What's the difference between Democrats and Republicans?
Democrats remind us that life is unfair, and Republicans make sure it is.
Posted: 05/23/1993
Let me be your emperor! I'll run America like a business: I'll
burn it to the ground and collect the insurance.
Posted: 05/23/1993
I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is
legal. Let me rephrase that -- I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because...
Posted: 06/19/2003
I forgot how expensive this town is. Checking into the hotel
this morning, I literally had to give the bellhop $10 just for taking my tip.
Posted: 06/19/2003
I empower my eldest daughter. I tell her to be proud of where
she came from. That's why I named her Uterus, Uterus Feldman. She's named after her...
Posted: 06/19/2003
I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my
family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.
Posted: 06/19/2003
You treat my daughter with respect -- you buy her breakfast if
she puts out.
Posted: 06/19/2003
Thou shalt not commit adultery.' Now, you know no guy would
have ever dreamed that one up.
Posted: 06/19/2003