I only have, like, three really good friends, and they get
worse every year. And it's gotten to the point where I think they'd rather hang out with...
Posted: 10/30/2008
One of my sisters is pregnant for the fifth time. Spent 10
minutes with her four kids, and my ovaries tied themselves in a knot.
Posted: 10/30/2008
My favorite part about our four-year-old son is when he wakes
up in the morning, he comes to the side of our bed, he looks me right in the eye and...
Posted: 10/30/2008
People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go,
'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know,...
Posted: 11/03/2008
Parents get burned out in big families. You can even see it in
the naming of children. It's always, like, the first kid: 'You were named after...
Posted: 10/30/2008
If you're a guy and you've never seen a newborn child, let me
tell you now, it's the miracle of life. Nothing more precious, nothing more delicate,...
Posted: 10/30/2008
I don't like people who have babies and act like they did
something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have...
Posted: 10/30/2008
Having a baby is a huge responsibility. It's like a five-year
commitment.
Posted: 10/30/2008
The petting zoo's a great place to go if you want to discard
your child's clothing in a goat's stomach.
Posted: 10/30/2008
I saw this little girl -- she had sweatpants on that had the
word 'Juicy' written across her ass, like, right across her ass. She was, like, seven...
Posted: 10/30/2008